Tonight, I finally feel like I may have overbooked myself.
When I first looked at accepting the second show, I knew I was going to be in a bit of a jam with the timing of tech being the same weekend as closing the first. When I saw that a big conference for work fell in the middle of it all and the same week as a wedding in my family, I knew it would be interesting. I didn’t think for a minute it would actually be hard.
It’s hard.When the Bald One and I were first dating, he knew I was crazy. I did three shows back to back in the first six months of our relationship. I don’t know if he realized it then, but we did eventually figure out that the crazier my schedule gets, the more things have to be in perfect order elsewhere. I lucked out when I lived by myself – I wasn’t home, so there was no mess. If I came home (like tonight), I’d nuke the soup or put it on the stove, eat the soup and toss the dishes in the dishwasher.
Instead, I have dreams of eating my soup while flipping through the paper and chatting idly with my husband. Only to come home to a house where there’s nobody home, no note, no word on what was up and not even a text message waiting on my phone (that, btw, was sitting where I left it – a compromised location to charge things that means I always forget the damn thing if I charge overnight). I wander into the kitchen, smelling grilled meat and potatos, only to open the microwave and see nothing. The microwave has always been where such things were left – protected from cats, yet accessible and ready for reheating. I decide in favor of my soup anyway.
There’s a random urn of flowers on the counter. This only reminds me that I have yet to figure out how to send a donation to the Lions Club in honor of a deceased family member of a coworker. The newspaper is spread out on the kitchen table. There’s cat toys scattered everywhere. I’m not even going to mention how much I think the place needs to be cleaned – but I haven’t been home.
I just wanted to touch base with that guy I married who I barely saw yesterday (two minutes of me waking up from the couch and shuffling to bed do NOT count). I can’t tell you the last time we had a conversation. I don’t feel like I have anywhere that’s a quiet, peaceful haven which I desperately need right now. And instead of helping me find it, the man I married who understood what he was getting in to is just making it worse.
And yes, I did bring this on myself. I’m overbooked, overtired and in need of a day off. I think I get that some time in November.